Valentine’s Day is almost here. Don’t let it become just another day if you are married. Married folk can become romantically complacent and often take each other for granted which is not fun. Valentine’s Day is a huge opportunity to refocus in on your marital relationship to remember and possibly reignite the flame. It doesn’t have to be expensive. A special romantic dinner can be made at home to remember why you fell in love to begin with. Reminisce over fond memories. Dream new dreams. Appreciate each other. It just takes a little romantic planning to make Valentine’s Day special for married folk.
Love and Respect
The Bible instructs men to love their wives and women to respect and submit to their husband’s leadership. It is probably the most difficult thing to do at times. It is a challenge for men to show love and an equal challenge for women to always respect their husband’s lead. The absence of love and respect toward your spouse is a downward spiral. However, when Biblical instruction is practiced in a marriage it leads to both spouses reaping respect and love for each other. Mutual appreciation is a byproduct of these symbiotic roles . Romance has a better chance of happening where mutual love and respect are expressed daily.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Actions yell loudly while intentions and words softly whisper or are silent entirely. Gary Chapman has written several books about love languages for different age groups and even a specific book about this topic in marriage. Learn which of the five love languages your spouse responds to and put it into action. This is a must read for marriage.
Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, and Physical Touch are known as the five love languages. Words of Affirmation are sincere compliments that can easily be given instead of focusing in on what is lacking. Verbally showcase what your spouse does well. Quality Time can be put into action by clearing and making time for just the two of you. Acts of service can be as simple as washing the dishes together, handing a wrench, helping the other with a deadline. Receiving Gifts can be simply expressed as bringing a favorite candy bar, drink, or giving a picked flower. Lastly, Physical Touch can be a shoulder massage, holding hands, a heartfelt hug or just snuggling while watching a movie. Actions speak louder than words.
Heartfelt Commitment
Heartfelt commitment is an anchor when dry seasons appear. Illness, overload of work commitments, financial stresses, and injury are just a few of the situations that can bring on a drought in marriage. Love languages aren’t being spoken and respect seems to have evaporated. Its that season to evaluate and to dig deep into the memories to refresh your heart and commitment. Heartfelt commitment decides to stay and do the heavy lifting to get the relationship back up on track. Heartfelt commitment chooses to say “I’m sorry, I was wrong,” and also chooses to forgive. Hope for reconciliation and healing is found in heartfelt commitment.
Love Fully
In addition to love languages, respect, and heartfelt commitment we have to love in its fullest capacity. We are triune beings. That is a being consisting of three parts. We are created in the image of God. We have a physical body with physical needs, we have an intellect and emotions which is our soul, and we have a spiritual body that requires spiritual filling. To love fully you have to reach all three levels of your spouse’s being.
Physical needs are the easiest to recognize and meet. Emotional and intellectual needs may be a little more challenging but with communication these also can be recognized and met. It is the spiritual body’s needs that often are completely neglected or being filled in destructive ways. While God is the only being that can completely save and satisfy our spirit we can join together with our spouse to acknowledge and pursue spiritual growth. Praying with and for your spouse daily is a great place to start. Reading the Bible or attending church together is another way to care for and invest in the spiritual aspect of your marriage. In order to love fully, all three parts of your being needs to be reached, met, and on the same trajectory.
To Finalize
Marriage maintenance is a type of daily bread. You can’t live on yesterday’s bread. Once bread is eaten, it is gone and will not come back. You can fondly remember how delicious that bread was, but without new bread for today, you will find yourself hungry and lacking. Jesus said in John 6:35, “I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst” (KJV) Recognize what is needed in body, soul, and spirit, to love your spouse fully. Is there any lack or area to improve upon? Acknowledge God and allow Him to help you mend broken places and give you wisdom to continue building on the foundation that was started. Every investment made is maintenance to extend the life warranty of your marriage.
This Valentine’s Day, take inventory, find out what is lacking, and take stock in what is needed. Create a long term and endearing marriage. This is the best Valentine’s Day special for married folk, not another box of chocolates, though those definitely help! Happy Valentine’s Day ya’ll!
Affordable Marriage Tools
Marriage Retreat
DVDs
Fireproof by the Kendricks Brothers
Books
The Love Dare book to accompany Fireproof
Website
Focus on the Family
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/
Great thoughts and tips as always.
Thank you~ 🙂